She is in my trunk
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
