Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
did i just pee glitter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
