Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
