dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
