he told me I talked like a deaf person
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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