the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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