that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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