insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
