Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
