no, he came in my armpit
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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