32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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