How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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