PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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