I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
