I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
