Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
