Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she smelled like a LAN party
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize