her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Boobs are out for the taking
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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