I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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