i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
