Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
