you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
