Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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