I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
