guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
