i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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