theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
