there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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