and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My ass is underappreciated
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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