I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
wow bdsm is so cute
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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