Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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