I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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