he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
People in love make me want to vomit
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
