i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
