i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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