I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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