Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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