There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
zippers are such a cool invention
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
