so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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