That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
