if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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