I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize