but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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