Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
