doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think my moral compass just broke
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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