I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Please, let me fuck your mom
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
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Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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