quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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