I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
