I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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