mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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