I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
