I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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