My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize