you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
