you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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