I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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