Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
