My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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