OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
