she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
