Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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