Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
