I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
