She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
