I'm going to jail i love you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
