I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
