I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
