the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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