yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
