I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
